hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
