I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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