I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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