the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
