Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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