what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize