Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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