I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
