so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize