I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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