What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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