Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
