hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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