I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You pole danced in your parka.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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