in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
