Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
