my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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