Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
