can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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