took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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