dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He shit in the fireplace
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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