I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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