Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
