What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
