Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
