Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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