Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
