I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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