Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
