Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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