weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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