just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
