either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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