can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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