the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Who died my cat blue again?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
