Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
