Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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