I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
