I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
