with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
