'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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