Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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