how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What a dumb baby whore.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
