May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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