the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
