dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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