I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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