After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
