ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
