Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
