roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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