okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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