I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
