I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize