Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
