I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
