How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
