New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Damn victory sex feels great
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
