I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
