So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
