I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize