Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
