Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
