No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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