It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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