kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize