I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
