Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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