can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
