she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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